♎ A lonely road

[oldTerezi]

First steps♪

Terezi shifted the bag on her back a little as she stepped out of the city border, onto the stretch of road that was so far entirely familiar to her. She'd been this way plenty of times before, heading out to train in the nearby grassy patches with Tomaric. Said Dratini was currently hanging around her shoulders, wide purple discs looking all around. The air was still and she deeply inhaled the wonderful smells of nature that were all around her. It was great, being surrounded by all of this green. The cities were dull and stank of Garbodor sweat. Garbodor sweat is totally a thing and cities stink of it. What do you mean, you don't know what Garbodor sweat smells like? Well, DUH. You eye-seers wouldn't know what Garbodor sweat smelt like if it slapped you in the face. Which is what I'm about to do if you continue interrupting this descriptive introduction.

H3Y!

WHAT DID I JUST- Wait, what?

G3T ON W1TH 1T 4LR34DY! 1M ST4RT1NG MY F1RST POK3MON 4DV3NTUR3 4ND 4LL YOU C4N T4LK 4BOUT 1S G4RBODOR SW34T?! WH4T DO3S G4RBODOR SW34T 3V3N SM3LL L1K3? 1S 1T 3V3N 4 TH1NG?

Okay, I think we're getting a little off-topic he-

4LSO YOUR WORDS 4R3 SO BL4ND! C4NT YOU US3 4 MOR3 1NT3R3ST1NG COLOUR? L1K3 R3D! R3D T4ST3S 4M4Z1NG YOU SHOULD T4LK 1N R3D!

How does one even talk in a colou- okay this conversation is going nowhere fast, let's start again.


First... Second? Steps♪

Your name is TEREZI PYROPE and you are starting your very first Pokemon adventure! With Tomaric by your side, Ally and Companion to the end, you surely have a bright future! Not that brightness would, you know, have any bearing on your ability to see...

G3T ON W1TH 1T!

AHEM!

You are standing at the entrance to-

4CTU4LLY 1M 4LR34DY L1K3 F1V3 M1NUT3S DOWN TH3 RO4D

What?! But I'm still narrati-

YOU W3R3 T4K1NG TOO LONG! BL4H BL4H SM3LL OF N4TUR3 G4RBODOR SW34T W3 G3T 1T! 4LSO 1M 4BOUT TO G3T 1NTO 4 W1LD POK3MON B4TTL3

ALREADY?!

Ugh. Okay blah blah first pokemon adventure bright future make new memories grow as person whatever. It looks like-

4-H3M!

-SMELLS like you're making your way through one of the many grassy patches along your way! Who knows what new and exciting creatures you'll encounter on this, the first leg of your journey?

1 DO!

Yes, well, don't spoil it for the others!

H3H H3H H3H, TH1S 1S GONN4 B3 GOOD >8D

[Wild Pokemon]

♫ I Walk A Lonely Road... ♫

Your name is MINDY THE MANKEY and there's nothing you love more than a good FIGHT. You're a fighting Pokemon, after all! And bad tempered to boot. If anybody irritates you, or gets in your way, or even looks at you funny, that thing is getting a swift LOW KICK TO THE FACE. Also-

"MANKEY!!" 

What's that? Low Kick doesn't strike the face, it hits them lower down? Typically in the gentleman's area? 

"MAN!!! MANKEY MANKEY!!" 

Furthermore, you find this entire introduction stereotyped and racist? Not all Mankeys are violent and bad tempered? What a load of bullshit, you are yelling at me right now. 

"Mankey." 

No way, do not even try, that's not going to work. You are just putting it on, it is obvious you're still angry; I can by those flailing nostrils and the anime-style cross thing on your forehead. It's supposed to look like a throbbing vein, maybe? 

Anyway, it says right here in your Pokedex entry that you lot are bad tempered. Quick to anger, it will begin brawling on the slightest provocation-

"MAAAAAAAAAN!!!!"

OUCH! *music cuts out*

HAHAHA! FINALLY GOT RID OF THAT OBNOXIOUS CHARACTER. AND THAT AWFUL MUSIC. 

AS I WAS SAYING, MANKEYS ARE NOT  *ALL* ANGRY CREATURES.  IT IS A STEREOTYPE WHICH, QUITE FRANKLY, I FIND RATHER OFFENSIVE. I HAPPEN TO HAVE PLENTY OF HOBBIES THAT AREN'T KICKING PEOPLE, SCRATCHING THEM, AND PRACTICING PUNCHES-

WAIT OH MY GOD CHECK OUT THAT TROLL GIRL'S CANE. 

I WANT IT. OH HOW I COVET IT. ONE MOMENT, DEAR READER. I AM GOING TO OBTAIN THE THING. 

[oldTerezi]

! (♪)

Wild MANKEY appeared!♫

Right on cue, a challenger appears!

Y34H - R1GHT ON MY CU3! BUT WHY 4R3 YOU 4LR34DY 4NNOUNC1NG 1T? 1TS NOT 3V3N 4CTU4LLY 4PP34R3D FOR M3 Y3T 1TS JUST SORT OF 1N TH3 4R34

W3LL 4CTU4LLY S4Y1NG TH4T 1 C4N SM3LL 1T 4LR34DY
TH3R3S 4 HUG3 SM3LL OF... GR33D? D3S1R3? HM

It wants your cane, Terezi. I know you know that.

1 KNOW YOU KNOW 1 KNOW! 1M JUST K33P1NG UP TH3 4CT OK4Y? W3 H4V3 TO M41NT41N 4 S3M1-N4TUR4L1ST1C S3TT1NG 1N ORD3R TO UPHOLD TH3 R34D3RS SUSP3NS1ON OF B3L13F!

You see, you say all that, but YOU'RE the one deconstructing this entire situation in plain view of the fourth wall.

Y34H W3LL TH3YLL G3T OV3R 1T

Okay, troping aside, that Mankey's headed your way. What do you do?

1 PO1NT 1N TH3 D1R3CT1ON OF TH3 F34RSOM3 B34ST 4ND C4LL TOM4R1C, MY F41THFUL DR4T1N1, TO MY 41D!

Dratini, go! For great honour and justice!

TOM4R1C HOPS OFF MY SHOULD3R 4ND R34D13S FOR B4TTL3 L1K3 TH3 F34RL3SS W4RR1OR-B34ST H3 1S! 1TS 4 F1N3 D4Y FOR 4 D3C3NT B4TTL3! TH1S W1LD CR34TUR3 W1TH UNJUST 1NT3NT1ONS W1LL M33T 1TS M4TCH FOR SUR3!

...

...Wait. We're doing something wrong, here.