That One Beach Episode In Every Anime [WPM]

[OLDDIRK]

As fate would have it, Dirk found himself patronizing McDucklett's yet again. He had quickly discovered how difficult it would be to avoid subjecting himself to raunchy food when every other burger-based fast food chain in Kanto had been run out of business. Dirk would bet 4000 Pokedollars that the Batterwitch was behind the monopoly.

At least he had only bought a small Oddish Fry. He placed it in a side pocket on his backpack; this food wasn't for him. Retreating to the grime-encrusted bathroom, he awkwardly attempted to get changed in one of the tiny stalls. He had been waiting all day to show off his new orange swim trunks, which he had scrawled smuppets and horses on in permanent marker. Time to head to the beach.

--------------

Dirk took a moment to rest and absorb the scene: soft sand, no litter, Mantine jumping out of the water in the distance, the bulbous clefts of some muscular young lads chatting near the water… One of them suddenly turned towards Dirk, and he was glad his sunglasses hid where he was looking.

He was here to catch a Wingull to challenge the Sufferer with. It was pretty ironic that he had come all the way to another continent just to catch a pokemon that crapped on his things every time he opened his apartment window, but that just made Wingull an even more appropriate first catch. Besides, he left his fishing rod at home, so other water types were out of the question.

Dirk walked slowly up to the nearest flock, took out his packet of Oddish Fries, and waved one around in the air. “Come here, you feathery assholes. I’ve got a staple of your opportunistically saline diet right here.”

[Wild Pokemon]

A wild Pokémon has appea--

Well, really, there's no appearing. At least two dozen or more Wingull are already scattered along the beach in plain sight, either hopping along the sands or gliding in the sky.

One of them in particular picks up the scent of deep-fried food. Even way up there in the air, the scent carries well and whisks about in the updrafts until it reaches his beak. With a tilt of his wings and body, the Wingull descends on a steep slant.

He pulls up at just the right height, leveling out in the perfect position to SNAP his beak around the french fry held aloft, then glide his way across the beach without stopping. He flies quite a distance, coming to a perch on a small dock, upon which only a single rowboat is tied to. Here he can enjoy his salty snack, a smile upon his beak!

[OLDDIRK]

Alright, so the thing doesn't want to stick around and fight the first time around. Should have expected that.

Dirk approached the dock, wondering how he could attract the bird's attention before it flew away. He took Squarewave's ball off of his belt and released him onto the sand.

"Square, I need you to take this french fry and slowly eat it while using Swagger on that Wingull."

Squarewave scrunched his face at the strange request, but became just as eager to help his master as ever in a few seconds. He took the fry, hiked up his "pants", and began parading around the beach. Every 10 seconds or so, Squarewave looked directly at the seabird's face and took a bite.

Dirk himself took a few fries and shoved them in his mouth all at once, pointedly sticking his tongue out before he even swallowed. He held the fry bag out towards the wingull, as a challenge to come and get it.

This had better work, because any other person would have given into the overpowering flavor of godawful fries and immediately spat them all out. At least that's what Dirk told himself.

[Wild Pokemon]

With a perch on the dock, Wingull gobbles up the Oddish Fry in a mere two seconds. He just kinda hangs out there until he notices a Scraggy coming his way. What a silly beach bum! Scraggy doesn't belong on a beach, Wingull exclaims to himself! He'll get that loose baggy swimsuit of his filled up with sand!

That's when he spies another fry, this time being eaten by the Scraggy. Wingull takes flight again, gliding toward the short lizard. With his eyes focused on the fry, he almost doesn't notice the strange way Squarewave is moving... Wait, is he taunting the bird?? Oh, Wingull will show him! Show him good!

Wingull swoops right in past Scraggy, clipping his beak around the fry in the same way he had with Dirk-- Wait, that's not a fry! The Swagger had confused him, and he missed! So what's he got in his beak...?

The loose tail-skin of a very fussy Scraggy! For a few moments, Squarewave is airborne, dangling from the tail on his loose pants, but Wingull opens his beak to ditch the unwanted cargo, dropping Squarewave unceremoniously in the sand.



Meanwhile, Dirk's come-and-get-it challenge is accepted... by all the other Wingulls on the beach; at least four of them flapping around his personal space in a small swarm, trying to peck at his fries. Hey, he asked for it!

[OLDDIRK]

“What the… Get the fuck off me!” Dirk swatted at the Wingulls helplessly. When one of the Wingulls came dangerously close to piercing Auto Responder with her beak, he gave up and dropped his bag for the birds to fight over. Seeing Squarewave lying face flat on the ground, Dirk kneeled over and helped him up.

Squarewave searched the skies for his attacker. How dare he drop him from the sky like that? As soon as his target was in sight, he darted off, making the longest steps he could with his pants.
“Always acting before thinking, aren’t you Squarewave?” Dirk sighed. This was a personality aspect they had to work on if they wanted to be Pokemon Champions. “Why don’t you flashstep using Faint Attack?”

Squarewave took a bit of offense to his master’s words, but nevertheless thought it was sound advice. He disappeared in the middle of his sprint and reappeared right in front of Wingull’s face, trying to punch him in the noggin.

[Wild Pokemon]

With a chorus of gull-cries, the swarm of Wingulls take the bait, landing on the sand and clustering close to the discarded bag of deep-fried food. They squabble over the morsels instead of sharing, though there's clearly enough for everyone. Looks like Dirk's not interested in catching one of them, though.


The Wingull who just dropped Squarewave also spots the dropped bag of fries, and glides toward it, eager for a piece of the pie as well. Almost as if he had disregarded or forgotten the Scraggy entirely. But the scaled creature reappears while Wingull is distracted, alarming the gull. The waterbird squawks as a fist catches him full in the underside of his beak, sending him tumbling from the air, his long flat wings useless to try to re-stabilize him as he spins. Wingull hits the sand, kicking up a cloud of it in his impact. Straining, he pulls his beak from the sand and scans the area for where the sucker-puncher had landed.

Maybe it was the tailspin, or the crash, or the Swagger earlier, but Wingull feels disoriented, his head wobbly. He'll be at a disadvantage... unless his opponent is just as foggy-headed as he is. Wingull opens his beak to let loose a Supersonic squawk-cry - a terrible noise that would gratingly ring in Squarewave's head.

[OLDDIRK]

Christ, this Wingull was a pain in the ass. That was a good thing, though. Hopefully its natural resourcefulness would come in handy when it was on his team. "Squarewave, Headbutt. Quickly!"

Squarewave's head was pounding from the Supersonic. He was so disorientated that he couldn't tell which direction was which. He saw a flash of blue and white and charged... straight into the flock of other Wingull. Some flew off, but others stuck around to defend their scavenged snack. After a few pecks, Squarewave figured out what had happened and ran in a different direction, still dizzy.

Though he was worried about his pokemon, Dirk figured it would be a while before he got another good chance to throw a pokeball at Wingull. He lobbed it at the solitary Wingull, hoping he could hit it while it was still grounded.

[Wild Pokemon]

The Pokéball swallows Wingull up, and proceeds to wiggle about in the sand, even bouncing around somewhat.

The Wingull inside wants out. Even in his confused state, he manages to thrash and bonk himself around inside the ball, until something gives--

The bird bursts back out from the sphere, propelling himself about a foot off the sandy ground. Take THAT, inanimate object. Building up a violent sloshing of water in his beak, he faces Dirk and lets loose a gushing torrent of liquid.

Since Squarewave has wandered off, Wingull instead aims this stream of water at the human who had thrown a Pokéball at him. Dirk.

[OLDDIRK]

Sploosh.



Aaaaand there goes the 15 minutes Dirk spent sculpting his hair this morning. He really shouldn't have bothered, considering his destination was the beach of all places, but it's a tough habit to break.

Figuring he should probably ditch the Wingull for now, he dashed towards Squarewave and scared off the last bird that was pursuing him. Unaware he was no longer in danger, Squarewave kept running for a few seconds until Dirk called him back.

Several cuts from Peck and large bruises from the fall earlier were found on Squarewave's body. Dirk scrambled through his bag for a potion. "Listen up. I'm going to spray you with a potion. It might sting a bit, but it'll get you in top shape to fight again."

Grasping Squarewave's right arm, Dirk sprayed the potion on a cut hear his shoulder. Squarewave shuffled in place a bit, but he didn't seem too bothered. "You know that Faint Attack from earlier? That was perfectly executed. Flashstepping just like your old man, into the air no less! I'm glad to see our training sessions are paying off. Once I'm done, I need you to do that again." Dirk pointed towards the Wingull they were fighting, still hanging by itself.

Once Dirk treated as many wounds as he could with one can of potion, he backed off and turned his head towards their target. "Sic 'em, boy." Squarewave vanished into thin air, presumably heading towards the Wingull for a surprise attack.

[Wild Pokemon]

As the dampened Dirk stands there with hair askew and shirt soaked, he hears gull-cries and squawks that may or may not be laughs.

But when Dirk turns his back on Wingull, the bird feels a little neglected! It's true he didn't wanna be caught, but beng outright ignored is rather insulting too! Wingull gives chase, until he's flapping behind Dirk's head, making those gull noises again. A lot of them. It's kind of obnoxious.

Hey! What was I, not good enough for you? Or are you just giving up that easy? Was it the hair, did that--

Ska-boosh! Distracted by pestering Dirk, Wingull is clocked clean in the side of his noggin by a flesh-stepping Scraggy. This one sends his flight path tumbling into Dirk's soaking-wet hair instead of the sand.

[OLDDIRK]

"Sic 'em, boy." Dirk turned stood up to find that the Wingull was already gone. Puzzled, he looked for Squarewave, who had already used vanished using Faint Attack.

Dirk's search didn't last long. Shrill squawks made his ears ring, and he could feel wings beating against his neck. He tried to turn around, but a thwump was heard and - oh god it was in his hair wasn't it?

Oh my God, what was that goopy stuff he felt running down his hair? Resolving that this bird had some nerve to literally shit on Dirk Strider, he fumbled above his head, caught a leg, yanked it out in front of him, and grabbed another empty pokeball from his belt.

He placed the ball's button against Wingull's beak, but it wouldn't open. "Get in the ball, you little shit!" The latch came open, forced itself around the beak, and sucked up the seabird in a red light. Dirk clenched the ball with both hands, trying his damndest to keep it closed.

[Wild Pokemon]

♫ Panicked Tussle!

SQUAAK! OHGOD IT'S GOT HIS LEG

This only makes Wingull flap about harder, panicking just as much as Dirk, if not more.

No! Not like this! He doesn't wanna go like this!

A round object jams against his beak forcefully, then closes around it on its second attempt. That science fiction shit activates and Wingull is sucked into the pocket dimension once more.

Dirk feels the Pokéball wiggle in his hands violently. It takes far too long, but eventually it goes still.

First Pokémon caught!


Male Wingull, level 8
Adamant nature

A feathery asshole who loves to steal food. Obnoxious and loud, while being a happy-go-lucky oblivious fool.