LISTEN UP, FUCKHEADS.

[pol]

HAHAHAHA, FUCK, IT'S SO LATE. AS PREDICTED, I ENDED UP STAYING AWAKE ALL NIGHT THREATENING JOHN WITH DISFIGUREMENT AND FURTHER PREPARING MYSELF FOR THE ABSOLUTE "PERILS" OF A POKEMON JOURNEY.

ANYWAY, PULL YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR NOOK AND TRY TO PAY ATTENTION HERE IF YOU CAN. I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A CAKEWALK THIS ENTIRE JOURNEY WAS GOING TO BE, AND THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT THE PEOPLE I KNEW, AND I WAS ASTOUNDED BY THE BOUTS OF RETARDATION YOU GUYS EXHIBIT ON A DAILY BASIS. AND THEN I THOUGHT, FUCK, THEY'RE GOING TO GET THEMSELVES KILLED BY SOMETHING PATHETIC AND AVOIDABLE, BECAUSE THEY'RE THAT SHITHEADED AND INCAPABLE.

YOU CAN THANK ME FOR MY CONSIDERATION LATER.

SO, I DECIDED THAT INSTEAD OF BLOGGING ABOUT POINTLESS THINGS (OMG LOOK AT MY AWESOME POKEMON GUYS!!!11!!! AND THE FRIENDSHIP WE SHARE!!1!! UGH. ) I WAS GOING TO MAKE A KIND OF EXAMPLE OF HOW TO PROPERLY TRUDGE THROUGH THE CHAOS AND EXCITEMENT OF OUR FIRST POKEMON JOURNEY, BECAUSE THAT IS THE THING I WILL BE DOING WHILE THE REST OF YOU FUCKUPS ARE SCREWING AROUND AND QUITE PLAUSIBLY CHOKING ON AIR.

AND IN ADDITION TO GUIDELINES ON HOW TO NOT FUCK UP, I GUESS YOU GUYS CAN COMMUNICATE HERE WHEN SOMETHING BAD INEVITABLY HAPPENS AND YOU NEED MY HELP TO BAIL OUT YOUR SORRY ASS. ALONG WITH GETTING ALL OF MY BADGES AND OVERALL FUCKING SHIT UP, I NOW CONSIDER IT MY SWORN RESPONSIBILITY TO LEAD 19 NOOKWHIFFING LITTLE SHITS TO SOME DEFINITION OF VICTORY. SO HAPPY TRAVELING, YOU USELESS BASTARDS. LET'S HOPE YOU DON'T IRRITATE ME SO MUCH IN THE SHORT TIME WE ACTUALLY SPEND TOGETHER HERE IN MORON CENTRAL.

***IMPORTANT GUIDELINES ON HOW TO NOT BE A FUCKUP****

1. DON'T LICK EVERYTHING IN SIGHT (OR, OOPS, NON-SIGHT. SMELLSIGHT?) IT'S GROSS, AND YOU WILL GET SICK AND DIE, AND PIDGEOTS WILL FEAST ON YOUR DESERVING, STUPID FLESH.

2. DON'T BE VRISKA SERKET, SHE IS ALREADY CLEARLY DOOMED TO FAIL.

3. DON'T BE A TREACHEROUS BACKSTABBING DESERTER, BAD KARMA WILL DESTROY YOU FOR BEING SUCH A PRICK.

[doorlord]

If anything 8ad happens I'm pretty sure it will 8e all your fault 8ecause you're so cra88y all the time and you never think anything through! If anyone needs to save anyone's sorry ass, it's going to 8e one of us 8ailing you out!

[Nepeta Leijon]

ye2 kk we'll totally need your help what would we do wiithout you cariing 2o much? jeez hopefully ii wont be 2tuck adventuriing wiith you of all people. iim fiine wiith aa and tr ii dont need the guy who triie2 two act 2o much more mature about thii2 than the re2t of u2 when he really ii2nt.

[Kat]

oh man, karkat, i am so relieved you'll be there to set such a great example and "bail out my sorry ass"! how would i ever have managed before?

(but really, we both know your "great example" is just going to be you yelling at everything and getting serious poké-rage whilst your pokémon shakes his head in embarrassment. hahaha.)

[pol]

SERKET: OH MY GOD, SHOVE IT. I HOPE YOU GET STUCK IN A GIANT WEB AND GET EATEN, THAT WOULD BE FANTASTICALLY FITTING. I WOULD PROSTRATE MYSELF BEFORE THE UNIVERSE AND TAKE BACK ALL OF THE NASTY SHIT I SAID ABOUT IT, IF THAT COULD JUST HAPPEN. AND THEN WHO WOULD YOU CALL? IT'S NOT LIKE ANYONE WOULD BE TRAVELING WITH YOU, THAT'S FOR SURE.

SOLLUX: FUCK YOU SIDEWAYS AND DIAGONALLY, YOU TREACHEROUS FUCK. WHAT KIND OF BEST FRIEND DOESN'T JUMP AT THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO TRAVELING WITH HIS BEST FRIEND? DEFINITELY NO BEST FRIEND OF MINE! SO SURE, YES, HAVE FUN HANGING OUT WITH TAVROS THE BOY WONDER AND YOUR SPOOKY-ASS GIRLFRIEND, I'M SURE YOUR JOURNEY WILL ABSOLUTELY OOZE LIQUID FUN. I CAN GO WITH OTHER PEOPLE! I DON'T EVEN ACTUALLY GIVE A DAMN, LIKE, IT'S AS IF YOU ARE HAVING A DAMN DEFICIT BECAUSE OF ALL THE DAMNS I REFUSE TO INVEST IN THIS MATTER.

[pol]

AND JOHN. JOHN, JOHN, JOHN.

I DO NOT NEED YOUR SARCASM. YOU'LL SEE! FROM AFAR, THOUGH, I MEAN, SINCE I CANNOT WAIT TO GET AWAY FROM YOU. LIKE HOLY SHIT, ACTUALLY, THAT IS REALLY EXCITING. FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, I WILL NOT BE NEIGHBORS WITH THE MOST INAPPROPRIATELY CHEERFUL IDIOT EVER. OK, COLOR ME EXCITED.

[doorlord]

Even if I did get caught in a we8 and died, I wouldn't care! I'd die knowing I wasn't a lame excuse for a troll with nu88y horns who watched human movies made for girls and refuses to share the color of their 8lood! And I wouldn't have told anyone that I have a super-cool surprise pokemon that we all know is going to 8e something completely laaaaaaaame like a magikarp or a tiny little kra88y (just like your personality!)! My spidery death would be 8000 times 8etter than your pathetic excuse for a life!!!!!!!!

[Nepeta Leijon]

iit 2eem2 that beiing an a22hole to KK ii2 what ii do be2t.
because 2hiit 2omeone 2eem2 rather pii22y.
ii kiind of liike iit liike that.

[Kat]

dude, how could you say that to you childhood friend? i am crying over here. also, you suure you don't want to travle with me? i don't see anybody else scrambling to be your companion!

[tealdragon]

OH K4RKL3S YOU 4R3 B31NG SO 4 DUMB4SS
YOU 4R3 PROB4BLY TH3 L4ST ON3 1 WOULD 4SK FOR H3LP
BUT 1 WONT N33D 1T 4NYW4Y H3H3

[pol]

WHY DOES EVERYONE JUST GUESS OFF THE BAT THAT I HAVE A KRABBY AS A STARTER POKEMON? SERIOUSLY. EVEN IF HE IS A KRABBY, WILL SMITH IS GOING TO BE A DESTROYER. IT WILL BE AS IF HE WAS HATCHED FOR THIS PURPOSE, KIND OF LIKE ME.

ANYWAY, VRISKA, YOUR PRATTLING GETS SO OLD, GOD. ZIP UP YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH ALREADY, I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE FULL EXTENT OF HOW AWESOME MY LIFE IS. THAT'S OK, REALLY, I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO.


AND ALSO, YOU LISPING GOD-AWFUL EXCUSE FOR A BEST FRIEND, WAY TO SOMEHOW MANAGE TO BE A BIGGER SHITHEAP THAN I AM. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT (OH WAIT, YES I DO, YOU DID IT BY DITCHING ME!) BUT SOMEHOW, YOU'VE GRADUATED TO AN OPTIMUM ASSHOLE, WHO EVEN TAKES SICK PLEASURE IN MY OFFENSE. I CAN ONLY STAND BACK IN TOTAL AWE OF WHO YOU'VE BECOME. IT'S LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE. WAIT, YES I DO, YOU'RE AN UNLOYAL ASSWIPE.

JOHN, THAT STATEMENT YOU JUST SAID WAS SO TERRIBLE I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO RESPOND TO IT. JUST... JUST SIT IN YOUR DUMB HUMAN HIVE AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

TEREZI, SCREW YOU, YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO GET SICK AND DIE FROM DRAGGING YOUR TONGUE OVER FILTHY SHIT IN THE WILD, SO HAVE FUN WITH THAT, YOU CACKLING FREAK.

ACTUALLY, THERE'S RULE ONE. SEE FIRST POST.

[doorlord]

You totally have a kra88y! And you named it after an actor! You're just as lame as John!!!!!!!!Hahaha!

And I'll shut up when you do- oh, wait, that's impossi8le! ::

[coolkidapocalypse]

w0w karkat y0u cant be seri0us ab0ut this 0_0
s0llux ch0se t0 c0me with us when i asked him s0 y0u d0nt have t0 be such a gigantic ass ab0ut it! calm d0wn 0mg

[Kat]

hey, my pokémon will be named after a CHARACTER not an ACTOR.
although, mcconaughey might be a good name? hmm.

[doorlord]

Whatever John, it's still laaaaaaaame.